a blessing and a curse

The question was how long? The answer was i don't know.Certain feelings just  harbor inside, they eat at me emotionally, it's because i care  so much and know the truth, I've seen the light, it's just something you will have to do for yourself. explanation after explanation will never be enough. no i'm not telling you not to have your experience. Have it. Honestly with all my heart i don't want you to do it, but we as humans will only learn and understand once we have experienced the inexperienced. That's the main part of knowledge- experience. i fear because it's happened to me. and i know from which I've seen and you've told me-- your different, but fearing is also human nature. This gateway to new things will never end, some good for the soul some not so good, and i just hope and pray we can get through this together. Together as you and i both being strong. You sticking to your guns about being the scientist and me  just simply not harboring anguish and hatred in my heart, me understanding what I've once gone through myself, and being strong for you in every which way. i do love you, and this shouldn't change the love i  have for you and for the record it doesn't. It just kills me because i guess i see so much of me in you. i was there once envious, curious, wanting the world at my fingertips. But having those people that care so much for you, and where the difference is not caring that they care, being stubborn, doing what you wanted, when you wanted.  right situation, wrong situation, smart about it, not so smart about it. That was me. And then not being able to say no and getting out of it. peer pressure. caring finally but not standing for what i believed in, being a witness, having had been there, knowing and still not standing for the truth and knowledge that i had in my heart. falling over and over. you know the definition of insane, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. which that encompasses a lot of the things i did. i'm logical but weak grounded. And i'm weak for you. I don't know what i'd do without you. Please find your answers and come back to me soon.