lemon tea

is not all i need.  i lied but prepeared myself for which i thought could be the end. whose to say it isn't. it very well could be. do i want that this way. certainly not. would i have to live with it? most definitely. there is a brighter happier note. you are still here. but are we ok? you tell me this, but i feel a different way.  you have so many questions, in turn i have very few answers. i know that i'm sorry and i don't think i can say this enough. in my doings i know which were wrong, you trying to understand them, helps me to understand. i never dealt with it before until now. knowing how much i love and care for you had that part eating away at me. should've  never gotten this far. i know what i needed to do before it did even become this. and now its out, the truth. do you feel the same? have you any different feelings towards me? heard this today--- ; it's simple - never lie to someone who trusts you, & never trust someone who lies to you. its not so simple. i mean it should be. but fear got the best of me in this situation. it took toll. consumed me in a dark way. the guilt, hatred, remorse, regret, filthy feeling i have for myself. no love for myself. so how could you love me? i just need some cucumbers please. they say time heals all- i sure hope their right.